I can’t explain when it started to happen. When I began to lose myself. Maybe I never had myself. I think the more likely case is I slip in and out of my fingers, time and again I grab hold of a fuller me only to release again into confusion. Unsure of where my feet are in relativity to my torso and my hands are down the produce isle while my lips are wrapped around a lollipop. Lately I’ve been in one of those confusion stages; I’m looking left as my feet are going right but my butt is sitting so I’m just stuck right where I am. I’ve become unstable and I couldn’t tell you how it happened.
I can’t help but think it’s ok for a time. I lost sight of what was important while trapped in lives others had built. They asked me to assist them in their journey’s and it perturbed me that that could be my calling, but they said it was the right thing to do so I did it. Feeling less and less much. (I believe it was the Mad Hatter that said that. “You’ve lost your muchness. You used to be much muchier” pardon my paraphrase). Lately therefore, I’ve been questioning the things they said were right and turning my back (to a degree) on things I’d known. That’s what I meant when I said it’s ok that I’ve felt lost, it’s ok to feel lost for a moment, because it just might mean your on your way to figuring something out you’ve been missing.